Very Busy.

I've been busy....avoiding homework

The El Sucks: A Poem

Bitches and hoes

Stay on your toes

'Cause you ain't gettin' my seat.

And.

Check out this website my roommate found...it's pretty cool, you can search by color (including multiple color combinations) for photos on flickr:

http://labs.ideeinc.com/multicolr#

It's Paintastic!

I bought these super cool paint pens today...and made an alligator.  It sort of has a butt though, which I don't think real alligators possess.  

Disgruntled Tomatoes (or abandoned cabbage patch kid heads)

"They'll never take us alive!"

This is my attempt at making tiny drawings.  I need to fix my scanner...and maybe pursue a different profession.  I do love the tiny colonel hat though.

a good French phrase to know: "c'est un vrai fetard."= He's a real frolicker.

MLF and LRF

So here is the very first sketch I wrote....an homage to past present-opening holidays where my parents were nothing short of creative in their ways to make gifts exciting.  Even if it was just a pack of batteries...

THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER

 

Erika Friesth

 

INT. LIVING ROOM-EARLY MORNING

 

EMILY, a second-grader, and Christopher, a third-grader, excitedly rifle through packages under the Christmas tree.  Their MOM and DAD look on, sitting drinking coffee in their robes on the sofa.

 

EMILY

               Daaaaaadd can we PLEASE open presents

          now?

 

MOM

          Honey, it’s almost light out, we might

               as well let them at it.

 

Dad hesitates, and then smiles at Emily and Christopher. They both scream and each grab a package. Emily begins to unwrap hers first.

 

EMILY

               Oooo an Easy-Bake Oven!

 

She looks inside the box and pulls out a toaster oven.  Mom and dad continue to look on and smile. 

 

EMILY

               This doesn’t really look like the

               picture on the box....

 

DAD

               That’s because it’s a toaster oven!

               Isn’t it great?  You can make all

               sorts of things!

 

MOM

               Yes, like toast, and waffles, and

               pizza bagels!

 

EMILY

               But the box says it can make little

               cakes and stuff.

 

 

 

MOM

               Oh sweetie lets just enjoy the great

               gifts Santa brings, okay? 

 

DAD

               Christopher, why don’t you open a gift?

 

Christopher smirks at Emily and finishes unwrapping the present in front of him.

 

CHRISTOPHER

               All right, Optimus Prime! Cool, thanks

               mom and dad!

 

He empties out the box, stares at the contents lying on the floor, and then glares up at mom and dad.

 

MOM

               Oh fantastic! That’s so neat.

 

CHRISTOPHER

               It’s a stapler.

 

Dad gets off sofa, climbs onto the floor next to Christopher, and begins to play with the stapler.

 

DAD

               Come on, Chris.  Look buddy, how it

               can be pushed up and down, and look!

               It even flips open to staple flat

               surfaces!

 

Christopher reluctantly picks up the stapler as he gives mom and dad a bewildered stare.

 

MOM

               Ok kids, there are still some

               gifts left under the tree, you

               better open them before Dad and

               I do! Here Emily, this looks

               like a good one.

 

She hands her a slightly large, rectangular package.  Emily screams in delight as she tears off the paper.

 

EMILY

               OH MY GOSH!  Another American Girl Doll!

 

Emily rips open the box.

 

EMILY

               It’s...it’s just a box full of

               batteries!  I wanted an American

               Girl Doll...

 

She glances at her parents as tears begin to well up in her eyes.

 

MOM

               Oh Emily, think of all the things

               you have that need batteries though!

               Your walkman, your skip-it, the TV

               remote...you’ll never run out again!

 

Christopher stands up and crosses his arms.

 

CHRISTOPHER

               Seriously? These are our real presents?

               What kind of Christmas is this? We’re

               kids, we like toys and games, not

               stupid things like staplers and

               batteries!

 

Mom and Dad sigh and look at each other.  Emily keeps sniffling.

 

DAD

               You know, Mom, I had hoped we had

               instilled the values in our kids

               that our parents had taught us, but

               it looks like we may have failed.

 

MOM

               You’re right, Dad, like gratitude,

               and being thankful for what you

               have.  It does seem like                                    Christopher and Emily haven’t quite

               grasped that concept yet. But how

               can we make them understand the

               meaning of Christmas?

 

Christopher and Emily look at each other with confused faces and then down at their gifts.

 

 

 

DAD

               Well honey, I guess we’ll just have

               to take their presents away and let

               them see how it feels to not get

               anything for Christmas.

 

Dad gets up and collects all the gifts.

 

DAD

               I hope this will teach you a lesson,

               Emily and Christopher, to appreciate

               every gift you receive. I’m sure

               someone will make use of these and

               be thankful every time they use them.

 

Dad walks out of the room.  Mom shrugs and smiles, and takes another drink of coffee.  Emily and Christopher sit miserably on the floor amidst empty wrapping paper remnants.

 

CUT TO:

 

KITCHEN-THE NEXT MORNING

 

Mom and Dad are standing in the kitchen drinking coffee and making breakfast while the kids are in the living room sullenly watching cartoons.  A buzzer goes off.

 

MOM

               Oh here honey, your toast is ready!

               This toaster oven really does a nice

               job of browning evenly.

 

DAD

               Thanks dear, it does look good.

 

He puts the toast on a plate and sticks his chin towards Mom.

 

         DAD (CONT’D)

               And check out the shave I got

               with the new batteries in my razor!

               Nice, huh?

 

MOM

               Oh wow, that’s so smooth!

 

They lean in and kiss. Mom and dad smile at each other.

        MOM (CONT’D)

               What a great Christmas.

 

Blackout.

 

 

 

Work Shmerk

Sometimes when work is particularly un-fun, I like to think about all the jobs that would be a lot worse than mine.  Here's what I have so far:

-cat food factory worker

-meatpacking plant worker

-bouncer

-coal miner

-construction worker

-flight attendant

-chimney sweep

-high school janitor

-dog food factory worker

-grave digger

-window washer

-the person who grinds bones up to make jell-o

this is a commercial parody sketch I wrote for my  class inspired by this list....

INT. COMMERCIAL

MAN #1, mid-forties, is dressed in business casual and sitting at his desk/cubicle in a standard issue office, looking very distraught as he looks through papers on his desk.

 

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

          Are you sick of doing menial yet somehow stressful tasks for your boss?

 

CUT TO:

WOMAN #1, middle-aged, and her husband lay in bed in a dark bedroom lit by moonlight; the woman restlessly tosses and turns while her husband lies peacefully beside her.

 

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

          Do you spend sleepless nights thinking about

          how much you hate your job?

 

CUT TO:

MAN #2, in his mid 30’s, dressed in a suit and tie is standing at a copy machine spewing out paper all over the floor and shaking his head and turns around to face the camera/audience, still shaking his head and frowning.

 

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

          Don’t let hard times at work get you down;

          call Brighter Horizons, Ltd. and we’ll

          help you learn to embrace those data

          spreadsheets and adore your cubicle!

 

Man #2’s face lights up.

CUT TO:

Man #1 stands in a factory behind an assembly line dressed in a white jacket and plastic hair cap, both splattered in what looks like blood, using an electric saw to trims chunks of beef as they pass by.

 

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

          Brighter Horizons, Ltd. will set you up in

          a new career for a month to see how it

          really feels to hate your job! Look how

          excited this man is to return his accounting position

 after working in a meatpacking plant!

 

He looks up at the camera and gives a big, queasy-looking smile.

CUT TO:

Woman #1 is wearing a jumpsuit covered in soot, climbing on top of a roof towards a chimney carrying large brushes and other gear.

 

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

          You’ll be dreaming of staying late at

          the office and attending staff meetings

          after successful completion of our one-

          step program! Doesn’t this woman seem

          ready for success?!

 

She reaches the chimney and starts to climb in.  She turns to the camera, gives a very sooty half-smile and a thumbs up.

 CUT TO: 

Man #2 is dressed in work clothes covered in dirt and wearing a helmet with a light on the front; he’s walking along with other men dressed similarly towards the elevator to a mineshaft.

 

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

          We offer all sorts of industry options, from grave digging to working in a dog food factory! Don’t hesitate and be left wallowing miserably at the water cooler wondering what could have been; act now and let Brighter Horizons, Ltd. show you that office life really IS all it’s cracked up to be! Call today! 

 

A large, flashing phone number and a liability warning in tiny print flash over the screen as man #2 gets into the elevator with the other men and begins to descend, showing the camera a terrified face.

 Blackout.

Sleepy

I would really love to give a quick shout-out to earplugs.  Returning to my early-morning gig has not been easy, but earplugs have really been there for me.  I have just awoken from probably the most single awesome nap of my life thus far after using earplugs-I don't think it could be recreated by anything else except maybe a roofie or a knock over the head (both which have less-pleasant aftermaths than hanging out happy drinking sugar-free amp-which is also really excellent BTW).

As Jerri Blank would say, "good times!"

The picture is from <<http://dogs.thefuntimesguide.com/images/blogs/doggie-earplugs-over-ears.jpg>>.  I think I'm supposed to do this so people don't get angry that I borrow their cool pictures.

Normal Knee!

The bandages are gone!  Now it just looks like I sort of had my knee cut open, which is much less effective in getting sympathy seats on the El than a brace or crutches. Unfortunately.  

And apparently I'm starting to walk like this guy:

unless I walk very slowly.  I'm missing the season premiere of "The Office" right now....I hope everyone enjoys it.  There have been previews of  Michael in a fat suit at some point, which can only mean great things.